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humor:
The shovels haven't arrived, and until they do, you'll have to lean on each other.
Notes: Notice on a Cork building site:

My grandmother made dying her life's work.
Notes: Hugh Leonard

Will Rogers
The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights.

Hugh Leonard
An Irishman will always soften bad news, so that a major coronary is no more than 'a bad turn' and a near hurricane that leaves thousands homeless is 'good drying weather'.

Oscar Wilde
A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is usually plain.

Sir Lewis Morris
There was an old fellow at Trinity
Who solved the square root of infinity.
But it gave him such fidgets
To count up the digits
That he dropped Math and took up Divinity
Notes: was complaining to Oscar Wilde about the neglect of his poems by the press.

Anonymous Irish verse
Me darlin' was sweet, me darlin' was chaste
Faith, an' more's the pity.
For though she was sweet an'though she was chaste,
She was chased all the way through the city.
Notes: circa 1790

My dear girl, I didn't need movies to do that.
Notes: Rose McGowan remembers asking Peter O'Toole if there were millions of girls chasing him around the planet after he did Lawrence of Arabia, and he said

A garda recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for reinforcements."

George Bernard Shaw
"My way of joking is to tell the truth. it's the funniest joke in the world."

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