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humor:
James Joyce
Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honoured by posterity because he was the last to discover America.

Little Boy: Mr. President, how did you become a war hero?
President Kennedy: It was absolutely involuntary. They sank my boat.

George Bernard Shaw
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller.

Oscar Wilde
No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.

Larry Gogan: With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?
Contestant: Hamlet.
Notes: From the popular Larry Gogan quiz show:

Oscar Wilde
The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

Patrick Ireland
What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn The surly old dog would let nobody in.
Notes: Epigram on a stern Irish security guard:

Edna O'Brien
The vote means nothing to women. We should be armed.

George Bernard Shaw
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.

Wilfred Sheed's
The town is as full as ever of 'characters,' all created by each other.
Notes: description of Dublin

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